THE ROW BOAT PERSPECTIVE
“I will look back and see that You are faithful; I look ahead believing You are able”
- Elevation Worship, “I Will Look Up”
One of the joys I’ve discovered in life is exploring the great outdoors, hence why living in British Columbia feels like heaven. There are hikes practically everywhere, lakes and rivers just a stone throw away, and countless camp sites to enjoy that in our @thebessalife instagram account you can find my family experiencing. One of the things my wife enjoys the most is the tranquility of kayaking as she’s able to get into areas where most motor boats cannot.
Kayaking postures your body and vision with a forward focus. It simply isn’t practical to be rowing backwards unless you’re trying to readjust your position. If you want that sort of experience you might want to choose a row boat, where you’re postured looking backwards while moving forward. Both boating options provide you with different perspectives within the same experience, and our journey of faith is like that in many ways. Sometimes we must keep our focus on what is ahead, while at other times we need to look back to see how far we’ve come.
We are often told to not live in the past, which is a good thing, but does that mean we can’t look at our past? If not, why not? Could it be that in looking back all we fixate on is the pain, the failures, or the losses? Because if that is the case, then maybe what we need to do is broaden our vision of the past. Asking questions such as: Where was God in the past? What was God doing back then? What has changed since then? How far has God brought me? These types of questions might enrich our experience more than we think.
Most of the time we just want to live our faith journey in the kayak, only looking forward and only moving forward. But sometimes, we need to jump into the row boat experience. If I had to choose one of those two options, I would say that the people of Israel mainly used the row boat perspective throughout their journey of faith. The Psalms, for example, are packed with expressions of praise and contemplation of what God had done in the past, which then fuels a sense of confidence that God has not changed and can do it again. Go ahead and read through at least 10 Psalms, and then tell me this is not the case. It is a common practice for strengthening one’s faith, as well as keeping it in the right focus.
When looking back at the past, my tendency is to initially reflect on what I regret, and it’s really a shame that this is my first disposition. Yet, the Holy Spirit keeps challenging me to broaden my vision and look a bit closer to see what He was doing through it all. See, the practice of looking back must not be simply for self-evaluation, but to also an evaluation of what God has done and what He revealed of Himself through it all.
This week I have been privileged with a short trip back home to Winnipeg, Manitoba, where I lived for 20 years. Initially, we were going to a family wedding that I was asked to officiate, but coincidentally during this time our church denomination was having a General Conference in the city as well. So, it made sense to participate in it due to the convenience factor, and what a blessing this whole time has been. Every single day has felt like a trip down memory lane, and it has been enriching to my faith. Side note: I’ve felt quite proud that I’ve not had to use google maps to navigate through the city, as I remain surprisingly quite familiar with the city.
Nevertheless, here’s something that I have become more accustomed to doing: Look back to see God’s faithfulness, and then look ahead believing He is able. A simple truth. A simple practice. A life altering mindset. Never again should we be afraid to look back at our past experiences, whether good or bad, and carry anything other than a strong sense of gratitude for all that God did, in spite of our frailty and immaturity. The story is so much bigger than those moments of brokenness or even the small victories that we idolize.
You see, the first church I pastored was here in Winnipeg, and it experienced a split during my 6-year tenure. Any church leader that has experienced this knows the difficulty, but this was my first church. This was not supposed to happen. It was hard, saddening, but because it involved family members, it made the situation deeply painful. My gutsy moves as a young leader, although well-intentioned, required more patience and wisdom, and perhaps the outcome would’ve been different. That part I’ll never know. Either way, we felt at the time that our family ties had been severed, and when we sought peace and reconciliation, people were not ready for it. Clearly, time and space were needed.
Long story short, back in the summer of 2017, while one of the family members who had been part of the church split were on holidays in Calgary, something happened. This particular family felt led by the Holy Spirit to drive for 6 hours to Kamloops to find us. They had no way of contacting us as we had new British Columbian numbers. All they had was the church name and the memory that I always used to lead a Wednesday night prayer meeting in our church back in Winnipeg. So, in hope that I’d be having one that Wednesday night, they interrupted their holiday and drove off to Kamloops, praying along the way that God would make the encounter possible. It felt like the Biblical story of Jacob encountering his brother Esau that he had betrayed years earlier, and as you can imagine, God honoured this family’s prayer and made it happen.
There I was, in a prayer meeting when, lo and behold, in walks this family. Instantly my heart was overflowing with a sense of joy and love for them. No bitterness, no grudge, no ill thoughts. We walked joyfully toward one another and embraced. My church understood why I walked out of the church to take this family to my house to see Debbie and the kids, and that evening became one of the greatest moments of my life, where I saw Jesus healing our family as well as my wife’s side of the family. There was a lot of embracing, crying, and just an abundance of love as we sat around my dinning table. Jesus was not interested in seeing bitterness consume any of our hearts, and so when the willingness was there to do the crazy journey, Jesus took the lead.
Fast forward to the Christmas of 2019, and God continued the healing process as He brought more family members back into reconciliation. It was powerful and truly heartfelt. Which brings me to this weekend’s wedding. Given what had happened in the past, the family could’ve asked anyone else to officiate the wedding. There were many other pastors they could’ve asked, but they asked for me to come and do it. A 22-hour drive across the country is simply not too long of a journey when it comes to a family that you love, and especially one that Jesus healed. You can’t make this stuff up. All you can do is look back and see how God has been faithful, and then look ahead and believe He is able to do it again.
We grow in our faith and confidence in the Lord when we choose the row boat journey of faith. We look back, not to live in the past, but to see with greater clarity the faithfulness of God. When all we could see before was pain, struggle, and difficulty, now we see the goodness and mercy of a God who never fails and never leaves our side. There’s a deep joy that takes over, and an awareness that even though we are frail and broken, God goes beyond our expectations and writes a beautiful story.
Whether you are in ministry or not, this applies to you. Along your journey you will face not just your brokenness, but also the brokenness of other people. Let God consume your heart with His grace for you, as well as for others. Don’t attempt to control the situation. Leave it in God’s hands, keep rowing, and keep confident that what God has done before, He can do it again. Even if this would be the first time you experience this personally, just know He’s got the track record of doing this in other people’s lives, and therefore, He can do it for you too.