THE SLOW DEATH OF COMPARISON
“Envy will lead you to do what everyone else is doing.”
- Andy Stanley
As my daughters have entered their teen years there are a few things that Debbie and I have agreed to permit them to do. We believe that with more freedoms and privileges come the learning experiences that can make them more responsible. So, one of these privileges is social media access. Now, I know there are pros and cons to this exposure, but both Debbie and I navigate through this with our kids, and so far it has been healthy. Yet, when I say “healthy,” I’m not saying it doesn’t come without growing pains.
One of the painful things we’ve had to address is how the kids compare themselves with others. It is especially challenging for girls because their self-image at this stage of life is crucial. When trying to address these comparison issues, we’ve told them that by doing so they forget the truth of who they really are, or forget to be grateful for what they have and what they’ve been able to do in life. But then, it’s always a rude awakening when I find myself doing the very opposite of what I tell them to do.
Ironically, my social media engagement was tripping me up with what I call THE SLOW DEATH OF COMPARISON. For a number of years my social media was consumed with these “big time” pastors with large churches, as well as other pastor friends of mine that seemed to “have it all.” To be honest, these constant comparisons of what they did and how they did it, versus how and what I did, made me go crazy. I realized that comparison fuels envy in the heart, and my heart was going full throttle with it. I was becoming a copycat and as a result I was losing my true sense of identity and gratitude for what I had. Instead of letting Jesus lead me I was technically letting these other people lead my life.
Over time, as this comparison continued, pride and depression set in, and I felt like I was failing and constantly unhappy with where I was at. It literally felt like a slow death, and so, just like I told my daughters to refocus on truth, I knew I needed to welcome in some good feedback from those closest to me, and refocus on truth.
When I realized the foolish comparisons were actually damaging my sense of identity and contentment, I made some drastic adjustments. One of those adjustments was to unfollow a bunch of those mega-church pastors. They are great, but in the beginning I felt the triggers were a bit much for me. It did take some time to address the problem, and I still find myself comparing with others at times, but I tend to catch myself a bit quicker and adjust my perspective. It also helps that I have good community around me that offers honesty and affirmation throughout the process. Later on I did start following them again on social media, and I’ve been able to discern better what applies to me and what doesn’t, because at the end of the day I am still a learner.
If you’ve found yourself in this comparison trap, and have experienced the slow death that comes with envy. You might struggle to feel content with your lot, or have forgotten the truth of who you really are. Maybe you’ve lost a sense of creativity because you’ve been imitating others for so long and need to rediscover the gifts God has given you.
Allow me to share with you The 4 Guardrails Of A Content Heart that have helped me along the way:
Determine to embrace your true identity in Christ. The way He sees you never changes, even when you don’t perform in life the way you should. Be who you are, not someone else.
Determine to be thankful for the gifts He’s given you and for the place He’s placed you in. You’re equipped where you are so that you can be a blessing to others.
Determine to celebrate others when you see them doing great things. We’re all in this together.
Determine to be within a loving community that gives you honest feedback and affirms the truth about who you really are.
These are things that require some continuous evaluation because we live in a community that tends to live on social media. Comparisons are in our line of vision every day, all day long. But, just like a pen and paper are not evil in themselves, but what is done with them can be, the same is true of social media. It can be used for good connection and information, but before you judge what others do with it, ask yourself that same question.